...good enough to make me wanna fall in love...

I HAVE SO MUCH FEELS RIGHT NOW.
LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA.



Ahem.
I've been writing again. After an episode of American Horror Story and eating a crap ton of chocolate, that is.

What I miss the most is the thrill. The excitement of not knowing what was going to happen that day. And I don't mean that "is today gonna be shit or not" kind of thing, I still have that. (And most of the time I don't wanna go to school because I can't face the fact that the day is indeed shit and I have to just deal with it.) What I mean is the feeling before you're allowed to think a person is yours. There's the second guessing and jealousy and all that other stuff, but I loved that so much. There's also the unspoken promise: anything can happen. And it's so delicious (sorry for that word omg) to let your imagination take charge for a minute - we could actually happen one day, if you just like me too. (What I'm trying to say is that I feel ridiculously lonely sitting alone in my bed in the middle of the night. I'm really not cut out for this kind of thing.)

I know my feels shouldn't make sense to a normal person... I told someone about how wonderful the "I have no clue what's gonna happen" state is, but he said he hates being unsure.
The thing is, I'm an adrenaline junkie. I also shouldn't be allowed in a relationship just because I'm not stable enough (ha). I love the rush and I'll do anything to get it.

Also it's 4 in the morning (....the end of December....) and I just started thinking. Is it a good or a bad thing when you discuss porn with someone (no that never happened), and the person says that they expected something "weirder" from you.... I'm so vanilla, dude. Get off my case.

I think this is a good place to end this. When I start writing I always think that there should be a theme or something, but I can never stop myself on time and then things get random. Oh fucking well.