stuff

I don't know. I really don't know.

Apparently it's spring now and everyone's supposed to be all emotional and talking about their feelings and all that.

There's snow outside. I'm number than ever.

I may or may not have spent the second day of the new period at home, sleeping till 2pm. I just... I've been telling people the "real" reason behind it, but it's also my nerves. And my need to avoid people. What I told my mum was that I've been having headaches for several days now - unfortunately very true. Thank god my brother's having the same kinda symptoms so haha, I'm safe.

Otherwise nothing's going on. I'm on tumblr, I'm on youtube, I do nothing, I sleep for several hours and feel like shit. I'm starting to see a pattern.

It's not that my life is shit. I kinda like my life.

It's just that my brain doesn't work that way.

Someone said that depressed people should watch the Saw movies because supposedly that would help.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.

I don't know what people with actual, diagnosed depression would say, but... NO. Depression is not a state of mind, it's a disease, even though it actually feels weird to say that. It's not being sad or crying all the time, it's an actual condition.

And it cannot be cured by watching movies where people who take life for granted get killed.

Daily raging done.

I'll go back to my cave now.

Good&Broken

(I genuinely hope this is the right blog)


Ugh I just have so many emotions. And then none. It's stupid but makes me wanna jump out the window.
I just read something I wrote way less than a month ago and it reminded me of what I was thinking. And what I still do. Sort of.

It's so wrong but sometimes it feels right.
or
It's so right but I think it's wrong because I don't wanna do it.


I don't wanna cry but it's 3am and I'm 17 and everything is fucked up and there are those 800 words burning a hole into my "soul". It's fun how concerned people are about keeping me alive. Just let me show you how good things would get without me...

I woke up crying the next morning. Not because I was sad, but because I knew it had to be done.

And it was long overdue.

I can still sleep for like 6 something hours lalala not worrying myself or anything