CW: mentions of gore and self-harm
These adults trying to help me (who btw "care about my life") said that I might feel like I'm doing better because I push my feelings away and do something else instead. So then I would only feel anxious or whatever when I'm alone and I have nothing to do.
OK. Here's the deal: I have a part-time job, I go to school, I lie to my mum everyday about everything. I got my head wrapped around a few things and seriously I'm not willing to let go. Because those idiots might be right. (I'm seriously facepalming at myself just for agreeing on something like that)
~
I love drama.
Then my friend got really mad at me for the dumbest thing ever and I just don't know anymore.
I mean come on. I'm sorry for keeping secrets from you, but 1) I'm not alone in this you know, and 2) stop. It's my private life. It's not funny when you say (as a joke) that you won't write names down on your damn schoolwork but that "everyone in our class will know who it's about".
Also stop implying things you don't know anything about. Once again, private life. It's not "totally obvious". Fuck, you're making the thing I'm most nervous about something that I've already been through. And you're making it seem so natural, which just basically makes me want to die.
With my confidence, with my courage, with my damn.... well I have no scars but still.
But hey, at least she didn't label me.
I just can't take you guys seriously.
Do you ever look in the mirror and feel like cutting your stomach open?
You know, just to feel cleaner.
Or scratch yourself until you bleed everywhere?
That's why we have cutting. To contain this.
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