Supposedly Out Of My Misery

So... This has been something I've been wanting to write but I've also been terrified to do this :D

I have wrote about this one girl for a few times (well that's a lie)... And I honestly thought I should just lose all the hope I used to have. It's no use chasing something that will never work out.

But. Last Friday night (now I have the song stuck in my head) a freaking miracle happened.
And you know, no one has ever told me they have feelings for me (at least not face to face), so it was certainly something new. I had expected it on some point but then just killed the thought and moved on, and the place and everything... I was surprised. It's not even a bad thing.

And anyways, now I'm testing my "positive thinking" once again. I don't know why this keeps happening, but I start to rationalize everything. It's more than stupid, I always end up with a solution I don't like and just do the opposite.

 But I dare to say I have a reason to be worried.
I know what can go wrong. I've lost a good friend in the process. (And I had so many flashbacks about it that it's scary on itself.)


So I know how it might go. With the right people, it doesn't matter what you say. You just can't be around each other anymore. And after that you can seriously say it's all over.


After covering all the negative stuff I can finally get to the flailing part. (Lol why can't I be normal...)
I've literally been smiling all the time at home. My sister came home yesterday and she was like who did you kiss last night?. I just laughed and asked what the hell she was thinking. Apparently, by reading my tweets and knowing what happens in The Last Song (and possibly living under the same roof with me??) you can figure out what's going on in my life, no matter how little I talk about it.

And then my ridiculous problems. I have never ever kissed anyone (I usually add "in a way it would count", but I'm just gonna drop it) and it's starting to worry me. I have also never "dated" anyone, which is basically just pathetic in my age. (But I can always blame it on the fact that I never really have a crush on anyone and I've been too busy being confused.)

 Tonight I tried to get my sister to tell me what do you actually do with people when you're dating but she had no idea. Sometimes I just really hate being the oldest kid. And the fact that I haven't talked to my used-to-be-mentor in like six months. I really need her right now.

This is a freaking long post, I know. But I should be doing school stuff right now, so...
Anyways, I don't know what kind of image this gives, but all I can say that I'm so happy it's not even real.
(And if I can sleep tonight, I'm gonna be super happy :D)